Fear of judgment is a powerful thing.
It makes us tiptoe around important issues and censor what’s closest to our hearts. We live in shadows, we make ourselves out to be less than we are. And for what? To appease the potential critic before he even has a chance to attack, because we are so afraid.
Afraid to be seen as less, we make ourselves small and unremarkable.
Oh, I am still self-employed, and proud to confess that I set my own hours and work from home. I’m making my way in the world, and I’m doing alright for myself, you know. Sometimes it’s web development, or maybe it’s freelance administrative work this week. You know the things I’ve told you I do for a living. I’m an independent contractor, after all. I could be anything.
I would never dream of telling you that my work involves sitting in front of my webcam appealing to the innermost fantasies of strangers on the internet. That would be ridiculous.
But yeah, sometimes I take my clothes off. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes they want to see remarkable, depraved things, and sometimes they just want to look at my face. Sometimes they just want to talk. Sometimes they’re lonely. Sometimes they’re looking for a quick fap and I happen to meet their criteria. Sometimes it’s deeper. Sometimes it’s not. At the end of the day, I decide what happens in my show for five bucks a minute.
I’m doing alright for myself, you know.
Are you shocked? You would never guess that I work in the sex industry, would you? I don’t fit any of the stereotypes, do I? I’m just your average acquaintance, friend, sister, and daughter. I’m smart, educated, and I have marketable skills like web development and administration. I come from an average family. Hell, my dad was the preacher. As an adult, I’m happy overall (and clean and sober, in case you were wondering). I have great friends who love me, and I contribute to my community in a meaningful way.
Virtual sex work is my career of choice.
I love the freedom it affords me, and I love the clients I interact with on a daily basis. From business management and marketing to video editing to performance art – I’m never bored. I’m always learning.
The longer I hide in the shadows making myself small, the more I am perpetuating the stigmas that exist. I won’t do this anymore. I am immeasurably proud of what I’ve accomplished in this industry, and like it or not this is my legacy.
This was written primarily for the friends and family who don’t know what I do for a living. The friends and family whose opinion I’ve placed on such a high pedestal, and whose potential sensitivity to such information I’ve placed above my own well-being for the past four years. Keeping my work a secret like this is bullshit.
I could be anything.
I am a sex worker.
This is me coming out of the closet.
4 thoughts on “Dear Friends and Family,”
I am so very proud of you!
Thank you, Kate. 🙂
I never realized that you hid this from anyone. It just seemed so normal to me that I never questioned that it might be difficult for you to share it with your closest friends and family. You’re courageous for choosing such a public way of letting everyone know. <3
Thanks for the supportive comment on my post. It’s mostly my family I’ve been hiding this from, minus one of my brothers. It’s been eating at me for so long, I finally accepted that they might not be my people, and if they’re not, that’s okay. But I have to give them a chance to show me that. And then I have to worry less about people who aren’t my people and more about those who are.
Figured I may as well share my blog at the same time. 😛